Happy Birthday Mia!

My baby girl is 5 years old today.

In the past five years, I've learned many things. Things parents don't tell you because if they do, you will never think about having children again. But also things that make being a parent the most wonderful experience in the world.

1. It is possible for babies to pee, poop, and spit up all at the same time and it ain't pretty.

2. The labor of the baby is a pretty good indication of the personality of the child. Case in point Mia was 19 exhausting hours and an hour and a half of pushing. Layla was 4 hours and about 15 min of pushing.

3. A toddler screaming at the top of her lungs will make you want to punch her in the face. You must resist. I repeat, you must resist. Punch your husband instead because he can take it. Or go for a walk. A really, really long walk.

4. A toddler will argue anything including her own name and our favorite "gee, you're really argumentative aren't you?" "NO I'M NOT!!"

5. Kids are wicked smart when you least expect it. For example, Chuck thought it would be funny to copy everything Mia said. After tiring of this, she paused for a moment then said, "I'm retarded." I think that was Chuck's proudest moment as a dad.

6. Don't ever say "I'll never buy my child (blank)" because inevitably, you'll have a house full of it by the time she's 3.

7. Don't ever buy strawberry icing. Take the time to make it yourself. Store bought strawberry icing tastes like flavored plastic. I am no Martha Stewart but I can make some damn good icing. Last night I cheated and paid for it w/ nasty pink icing.

8. When you feel like you're doing your child a service by teaching her the correct terms for parts of the anatomy, include in that lesson the correct instances in which to use them. Otherwise you end up hearing that she was using those words as ammo in a name calling fight.

9. You must find absolute fascination in the simplest accomplishments. "Mommy, apple starts with 'a'. 'A' rhymes with 'hey' rhymes with 'bay' ryhmes with 'pay' rhymes with 'lay' rhymes with....."

10. I've mentioned it once on this blog already but seeing that heartbeat on the monitor will take your breath away. I was so addicted to it that when I had ultrasounds done for my kidney, I made the tech go over to the baby just to see her again.

Parenting is the only thing that can simultaneously be the most wonderful and awful experience. It's the hardest thing I've ever done yet the most rewarding. There are times when I want to scream my head off and throw the bigger tantrum. There are times when I just want to hold them forever. I want to shield them from the world and then I can't wait for them to get out of the house. I've survived 5 years. I can survive anything. Except maybe the teenage years.....