Anything Can Happen on Halloween!

Before Hogwarts, there was Miss Cackle's. Before Malfoy, there was Ethel. Before Snape there was Miss Hardbroom and before Harry Potter, there was Mildred Hubble - The Worst Witch. This was an HBO made for TV movie starring Fairuza Balk, Tim Curry, and the lady from Facts of Life who plays both the head mistress and her evil twin with a southern accent. See an 11 minute recap of the movie here (Megan, you must watch it!) My family watched this so many times when I was a kid and I had forgotten all about it until stumbling across a clip yesterday. It is that clip which I will post here for your viewing please and can be described only as Harry Potter on PCP.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Real Housewives

So something made me turn the channel to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta. My only defense is that I live in Atlanta (well, just north of) and I love seeing places I know well on TV. This was a bad idea but now I've become the victim of the insipid "plot" and ensuing drama. This show bugging the every living crap out of me and I can't stop watching. This is what happens when my husband works late. This is what he is driving me to do! The shame!

A few notes, if you will indulge me:

Mrs. Snow - yes, I pay so little attention I have no idea what your first name is. Also, you and your NBA star hubby have the most annoying habit of calling each other Mr. & Mrs. Snow. GAG
First, she claims to have worked personally with a designer (all the way from California - oooh). Cue instant classic sound bite from designer "She worked with me for about 3 hours so they really don't know what they're about to enter". That sounds a bit ominous, doesn't it? Mrs. Snow's first task - hiring help. I knew it would be bad when the tour included the subtitle "Chef's Kitchen". Her list of staff included Governess and Nanny. AND. Nanny. Seriously. I understand your husband travels a lot and you are mostly a single parent. I sympathize. You do not need two staff members dedicated to taking care of your three kids when you already have a personal chef and maids among other redundant employees. Later in the show they show her interviewing a personal something who is making arrangements for her family to visit. She says her duties include welcoming the guests and offering to unpack for them. For the homeowner's own family! I think I threw up a bit in my mouth at that point. God Bless Mr. Snow for rolling his eyes at the extent this woman was going to to be "accomodating" to houseguests and if looks could kill, she would have shot him down in a nanosecond.

NeNe - "she's real fun" I'm sorry, I can't say much about her because her cleavage is way too distracting to pay attention to anything she does. But I can say this - a nine year old should NOT. Shoul NOT be given $1,000 to "invest" for his birthday. He should not even know the meaning of the word. He's obviously already a brat considering how he berated his mom for not lookin at him. NeNe is the drama, that much is clear.

Kim - "a black girl trapped in a white girl's body". Kim begins the show by writing a check for a $68,000 Escalade. This is courtesy of her sugar daddy boyfriend "Big Papa" who is too famous to be mentioned or seen apparently. Kim had to have a dress altered on the day of a huge party and so met her designer at a Shell station to pick it up. Because she did not want any gas station bathroom germs, she changed right there in the parking lot as NeNe and said designer shielded her with a garment bag and coat. Class-y!

Lisa - Half black, half Chinese, married to a Falcon's player. They have a state of the art home gym and a bowling alley in their basement so I got nothin' but love for them. Carry on. She and her hubby are pretty much adorable and so far (SO FAR) she does not annoy me. She picked her outfit out of her closet rather than hiring a personal designer to style her look for the big party. I like Lisa.

Shereé - Snob and a half. Drama may follow NeNe but it is initiated by Shereé. She has a Creative Director on her staff. Directing the creatity of her life perhaps? He needs to work harder. When told when NeNe was not on her guest list she waxes shocked for about 10 seconds before turning to a woman next to her and exclaiming "Oh, your lashes look good!" Then she sent her PR girl to apologize for her. Double Gag! And let me not forget to mentino her obvious name dropping when she points out that her personal assistant is Evander Hollyfield's daughter. Triple Gag.

Episode 2 is starting right now, I'm not sure I have the stomach for it. Stay tuned to see how I faired.

Doggy Do's and Doggy Don'ts

On Saturday we watched the UGA Bulldogs triumph over the Arizona State somethings. I don't pay that much attention really. But I put on a good front, wear my 'G' hat and deck the girls out in cute Dawg paraphernalia. On the way to the restaurant to watch the game, Mia & I tried to teach Layla the cheer for when the Dawgs kick off (or is it when they are receiving? I really should pay more attention.....) The cheer is "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAWGS! SICK 'EM! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!" It's pretty awesome coming from a toddler. Layla wasn't getting it, she kept skipping the "sick 'em" part and going straight for the barking and who can blame her really? It is the most fun part when you think about it. When all of a sudden her eyes lit up and I thought, "she's got it!" She looked at me and started singing "Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof woof woofwoof!" Oh. Crap. How does she even know that song?! So that got Mia singing it and I was stuck with the world's worst ear worm! Until Chuck got to the car and gave me this:

Wackadoo Wednesday!

It's been rainy and dreary over most of the country this week. So take a moment to enjoy $240 worth of comedy! This one's for you Megs!!



If you are one of those people out there who did not enjoy The State in it's prime during the mid 90's, please do yourself a favor and spend some time perusing YouTube for their greatest hits. You will thank me.

Wackadoo Wednesday

It's the middle of the week, you're trying to convince yourself that it's almost the weekend. So here's a little binger, to brighten up your day. ($1 to who can name that quote)

As I spend most of the Olympics using my fantabulous DVR to get around commercials, I've missed many a new NBC season promo. But I caught this one the other day and it reminded me how much The Office seriously rocks and how far away September 25 seems.

Olympic dreams and random thoughts as I watch the Opening Ceremonies

I just sat down to watch the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics. The opening credits made me teary. What is it about these games that tugs on my heart strings so? Is it what was repeated 100 times "Not the triumph but the struggle"? Is it the enormity of the events themselves? Is it that I'm a completely hormonal woman who got teary as her daughter took her very first shower this evening? Or all of the above? Regardless, I will be silently weeping through a majority of these games. I put myself in the shoes of the athletes as I always have my whole life. What does standing on that platform feel like? I am in awe of thier ability to hold it together with dignity and grace as their National Athem plays and millions are crying for them. And I put myself in the shoes of the proud parents watching as their child is crowned best in the world. The whole world! If that were my child, I wouldn't have a coherent thought. Chuck would have to just sit there, holding a wreck of a sobbing woman, looking at the camera inevitably pointed as us and just shrug and pretend he didn't know me.

And then there's Bob Costas. Although he so far appears to be behaving, I will never forget his horrible joke from the '96 Olympics. During the Parade of Nations, he spoke of the rule passed to the Canadian athletes - no sex during the games. He then remarked that there would be no "O Canada"'s being heard from outside their bedroom windows. *groan*

U.S. uniforms - driving caps. Awesome. Really, they are but it's a look that sends memories of my late Grandpa Campbell into my head. More emotions flooding in. It's going to be a roller coaster of a month.

Despite the tears and insanity in my head what I keep thinking is this:

How F**king cool are these Opening Ceremonies? Damn China, you put on a good show!

Cheetahlicious? Really?

Last night we turned on the TV to relax before bed time. It was already on the Disney Channel since the girls had been watching Jo Jo's Circus or something that morning. The Cheetah Girls 2 was on. Gag gag gag. Much to my horror, Mia jumped up and said "Cheetah Girls?! Jennifer & I used to sing all their songs at school!" Wha wha what?! NO! We're too young for this debauchery. I timidly asked her, "So you want to watch this movie?" "YES!" and then she proceeded to dance around the room. Layla looked at me and said, "I want Elmo." Me too Layla. Me too.
Yesterday my friend Katie sent her daugther off to Kindergarten and cried her eyes out. I was about to do the same. My baby is growing up and God help me that seems to involve mind numbing, bad acting, cheap looking teen comedies. After about 5 minutes of the movie when I was trying to decide if I wanted to cry or vomit, Mia asked to watch "The Goodnight Show" which is a toddler focused program. And the heavens opened up, a light shown down on us, and life was normal again. I know it's just a stay of execution but I'll take it. I need all the time I can get.

To get you through Hump Day

Because I have no kiddos to blog about this week, I'm finding other ways to amuse myself. Our dog, Bella is getting lots of extra attention and consequently not defecating on any of our floors. Hooray! She has, however, tried to eat a couple pit bulls, a mutt, and a cute little shitzu that lives down the street. Someone told me boxers were smart. I'm beginning to have my doubts.

Anyway, during the summer reruns, I've been on Hulu and buying TV shows on DVD left and right. If you are a person who has not seen Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia, or Flight of the Conchords, start now! You do not know what you're missing.
This clip is not actually from the Flight of the Conchords show but it is my favorite song of theirs. Enjoy:

Seriously

How gimmicky can Reality TV get, I ask you? I love a guilty pleasure show as much as the next person but it's seriously getting retarded. For instance, Last Comic Standing's elimination voting takes place in a graveyard. A graveyard people! Complete with fog machine and the comedians view their axing votes projected onto a giant tombstone. Is that completely necessary? What happened to the simple, go into a photobooth/confessional, come out and take your seat in the comedy club? And the first immunity challenge had the comedians decked out in boxing regalia spouting "Your Mama" jokes at each other. We don't need all this kitch. Just give us the jokes already; they're funny enough on their own. I promise I'll still laugh no matter what they're wearing.
But that show is tame compared to the mother of all reality shows that I had the mistake of watching once and therefore had to watch every minute until the bitter, stupid end. That show was Farmer Wants a Wife. The elimination rounds of this retardation ranged from checking your hen to see if it had laid an egg to checking to see if a cow was pregnant. Want to know how they did that one? It's quite simple really, you put an arm's length plastic glove on, stick your hand up the cow's behind and find the calf inside of her and I AM NOT EXAGGERATING! It was not apparent if the eliminated woman was crying from the elimination itself or because she was covered in cow manure. I'm thinking manure.

It's Always Sunny - when there's a dance off!

My new boss has turned me on to the show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I haven't watched a single episode yet thanks to the writer's strike. He just sends me clips on youtube to pass the time during lulls at work. And by the way, is it not awesome to have a boss who not only condones but encourages you to slack at work? I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, I will never miss an episode whenever they come back on the air after watching this which (apologies to The Office) has to be the funniest 30 sec. of TV I have ever seen!

Fug the Oscars

If you aren't on the site right now, you are missing out!
http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2008/02/live_from_the_oscars_its_the_r.html

I will never watch the Oscars without Heather & Jessica again. I only hope this is a yearly gig for them.

TV is back!!

The writer's strike has ended. My wonderful sister just informed me that The Office will be back on the air on April 10. A better bday present for her I can not imagine. Our family obsession can now continue.

Now to go to bed and dream of Jim.......