I have a dream that one day I will not have to change a diaper. As Layla fell asleep clutching her new Little Mermaid panties, I can only hope she had the same dream.
Each week our friendly Officer Bill sends out an e-mail to Chamblee citizens about the recent crimes in the area so they know what to look out for. He highlights the dumbest criminals they have had the pleasure of having encounters with. I have decided to share my favorites with my few select readers in the hopes that it brightens your day as it does mine. Relish in being in the deeper end of the gene pool people. These are 100% true stories.
*Police responded to a roommate fight between two 26 year old women in a local apartment complex. One roommate left the scene before the police arrived. The remaining roommate reported that they had an argument that quickly turned into a fight. After exchanging words, she told her roommate to pack up and leave. The roommate obviously didn't like that and hit her in the head with a frying pan. Before leaving the apartment, the roommate also broke her new cellular phone into two pieces. Just prior to leaving, the roommate told her "I'm crazy &%#$@, I'm from New Jersey!"
*A 29 year old woman reported that some man keeps calling her leaving romantic and poetic messages on her voicemail. This man must have an angry wife as the victim is also receiving abusive voicemails from an unknown female caller.
*A 44 year old woman was arrested for prostitution after being dumb enough to offer her services to a man in a new Ford Crown Victoria 4 door. Everyone should know that most of these cars belong to the police. This car happened to belong to Detective Captain Dave Perkins who was conducting an investigation in the area. The Detective politely declined her offer and arrested her.
*Officers received a 911 call from a car load of people who wanted to report that they were being followed. They said that they were in a parking lot on Buford Highway and the car following them was there also. Officers quickly responded and detained the occupants of both cars. It turned out to be true that the second car was following the first car. The occupants of the second car said that they followed the car because it was their neighbor's car that was recently stolen. Officers checked the first car's numbers and confirmed that it was indeed a stolen car. The driver of the first car was arrested. Lesson to be learned: If you are driving a stolen car, do not encourage your passengers to call 911 for any reason. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that the driver tried to use a false name with the police but forgot and signed his real name on his jail paperwork.
Conversation at the gas station:
Random woman (with her son so I assume she's a fellow mother): Oh, look at her, she's so short. *points to Layla*
Me: Yeah, she's a tiny little thing.
Woman: Oh no, she's not tiny. She's just short. She's got big bones.
Me: Uh. Ok.
Thank you lady for saying I have a short "big boned" (code for fat to most people) daughter. Who does that?!
As if Rock Band were not enough to keep the boys entertained, Chuck had to show off his new golf clubs. Sean, who does not play golf, claimed he could drive farther than Chuck. Using the Happy Gilmore syle. Uh huh. It hit our neighbor's fence. Sean said, "No no no, it hit a fence much farther away it just sounded close." Uh huh.
Love you Seany!
My little girl went to Kindergarten Camp today. It's a week of half days in Kindergarten to get the kids used to the layout of the building and how to behave in school. Like that's possible for a 5 year old. Mia woke up this morning saying she was scared and nervous and scared. We walked in and she is a rock star since her Pappa B is a teacher there. Everyone knows her already and is SO EXCITED TO SEE HER! I was immediately forgotten for crayons and blocks, all thoughts of nervousness gone in an instant. Mia is in her element - learning and playing. When I picked her up she was building a castle. This is when I decided she had been taken over by aliens - without me or the teacher saying a word, she put all those blocks away! My daughter. Cleaned up her own mess. If that carries back to home and she starts cleaning her room, Mrs. Sosa is getting one hell of a teacher's gift! On the way home Mia said "You're a grown up and I'm still a kid." I said, "Yes, and that's just the way I like it."
Tonight she has her first session of tennis camp. She better sleep through tonight or I want my money back.
