Friday, September 26, 2008

The things we do for the one we love

My husband is one of the pickiest people I have ever known. It's not just about food, it's everything, what he watches, activities he does, trips he takes. It has gotten to the point that if I suggest something and he agrees with it, I have to stop a moment and check if I'm awake. Lately I've been badgering him about lotion. I have lots of lotions and he complains about the smell of them. All of them, except my mango scented one. So I've given him a mission of finding something he enjoys the scent of so I can buy some and wear it so as not to offend his sensitive nose. He once got so upset at the movies he wouldn't let me share his popcorn anymore because my arm had to go near him which meant he had to smell me. The horror! I solved that by snatching the popcorn and making him reach for it.
Anywho. The other day he called me from the office to say that he found a lotion he liked the smell of. It was someone's birthday and she had gotten some Pink lotion by Victoria Secret and he actually liked it. I got so excited. Tomorrow we have a date night, so I got inspired and went to Vicky's on my lunch break to buy some of this fabulous lotion.
Right now I have a headache and feel a bit nauseous. The smell is awful. I just put a little bit on. A tiny dollop. It smells like someone has drowned me in perfume. And I've washed my hands. Twice. It's awful. I'm praying he really does like this stuff so it is worth it. But I kind of hope I bought the wrong stuff. How could he like this smell? But if it's wrong, I just threw away $20. For lotion!
When I was in college the years were divided; odd graduating years were Red Devils, even years, Pink Panthers. As a member of the Class of '99, I celebrated Red. And as we chanted this to the rival classes, I never realized that one day I would take it so literally but Pink Stinks!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

My Mentalist

In the car yesterday Mia was making a very strange face. Like she was concentrating very hard on smelling something awful. Then she explained her face and I think she may be a genius in the making:

Mia: When I make this face I am reading people's minds.
Me: Can you read my mind?
Mia: I'm doing it now.
Me: Ok, what am I thinking??
Mia makes crazy face and stares at my head
Me: Do you know?
Mia: Yes, I'm reading your mind in my mind.
Me: Can you read it out loud?
Mia: No, I can't tell you.
Me: Why not?
Mia: Because you already know what it is.

Look out David Blaine.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Wackadoo Wednesday - the mother of all Wackadoos

A few weeks ago my husband and I came across an estate sale. Isn't it everyone's dream to find some amazing thing at a sale like this? You know the legends of people finding Rembrandt's and buying them for $1 and then selling them at an auction for millions. It's like a treasure hunt. At this particular estate sale, there was a whole shelf of old books, mostly cookbooks and craft books. On that shelf I found a treasure. This treasure is "Decorating Cakes for Children's Parties" by Polly Pinder. It has a copyright date of 1984. When I picked it up my husband asked "that's for your mom right?" since she does all the cakes for our kids' birthdays. I was like, sure, yeah, for mom. Then I opened it. Readers, I can not let this book go. It is too awesome in it's ridiculousness and I love it. Please note the title again before I reveal what was behind the old, tattered cover. Pay special attention to "for Children's Parties." These cakes are intended to be enjoyed by people under the age of 12. Which is why I was quite baffled to see this:

That's a soap dish. Soap. Really? That's the best you can come up with for a kid. What kid in the world would request a cake in the shape of a soap dish? Did they really like bathing that much? Polly's description of this cake says "[this] can be given to the young person who is constantly being told by members of the family not to spend all her/his life in the bathroom". Because that's what kids want on their special day - to be nagged some more by their parents.

But maybe your child is a sports buff. Your son requests a football cake and you go all out to create the coolest, most awesome football cake your son has ever seen!

OH NO! Johnny's been killed. Both teams are baffled. The cheerleaders are devastated. I think some people in the stands are crying. Was there no other pattern of players to put on this cake? Like a touchdown being scored or some other positive aspect of the game.

This book was created in England, so of course, there are children there who would request a cake with a Cricket scene. This child doesn't really like Cricket, just the idea of Cricket. He wanted a cake but not with people playing. He wanted people angry. Angry that they couldn't play because their game had been rained out. Again. I mean, what doesn't say "Happy Birthday" like a bunch of cranky Brits? And I really don't want to know how she got the liquid metallic puddles on the field. I hope she's not feeding her children mercury.

Some kids are more into literature than sports. So for them we have some classic Nursery Rhyme cakes. Remember the old lady who lived in a shoe? Well one day she finally figured out what to do - she went on a rampage and killed all her children!Well, maybe it's just a really stinky shoe. At any rate, we can definitely deduce that she cannot afford to clothe them. Poor stinky, naked children.

This cake is just, well, it's, um, I really have no words for it other than EW.

That's a very frighteningly realistic steak you got there. Is it just me or would biting into that thing feel like a psychological experiment, like that trick where you put an apple under someone's nose and then make them bite an onion and ask them what it tastes like.

At this point, I'm really beginning to worry about Ms. Polly Pinder. Her description on the book jacket says that she is a graphic artist and has designed bed linen and wallpaper. Why is this lady designing cakes for kids? She seems more interested in mind torture on their special day. Along with the dreaded soap cake above, she appears to enjoy mocking them. This final example of her work she describes as follows:
"This is specifically for the child who constantly frowns at the request to polish his shoes. A very young child might not understand (or might even be a little hurt) by the cake, but an older child of 12 or 13 with a sense of humor, will appreciate the message."
They're going to need a sense of humor and the thick skin of a rhino to be able to appreciate this monstrosity:

Shine your shoes you little brat! Happy Friggin' Birthday.

For more cake disasters, check out one of my favorite blogs Cake Wrecks.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Doggy Do's and Doggy Don'ts

On Saturday we watched the UGA Bulldogs triumph over the Arizona State somethings. I don't pay that much attention really. But I put on a good front, wear my 'G' hat and deck the girls out in cute Dawg paraphernalia. On the way to the restaurant to watch the game, Mia & I tried to teach Layla the cheer for when the Dawgs kick off (or is it when they are receiving? I really should pay more attention.....) The cheer is "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAWGS! SICK 'EM! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!" It's pretty awesome coming from a toddler. Layla wasn't getting it, she kept skipping the "sick 'em" part and going straight for the barking and who can blame her really? It is the most fun part when you think about it. When all of a sudden her eyes lit up and I thought, "she's got it!" She looked at me and started singing "Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof woof woofwoof!" Oh. Crap. How does she even know that song?! So that got Mia singing it and I was stuck with the world's worst ear worm! Until Chuck got to the car and gave me this: