Why I should have been a high school education major

My friend Emily is a college English professor. One of her grad students is currently doing her student teaching and assigns the kids to use their vocabulary words in sentences. Then she shares the sentences with her college class and Emily consequently shares them with us. And I think our friend Angel put it best "I love this so much I could hug it."

If I'm in church and I'm feelin the lord I tenacious someone's hand.
Communism permeated in China a long time ago.
Billy Bob feed his chickens with notoriety.
Everyone has to get a tantamount of food.
My girl has a special place that she go hackneyed.
I couldn't tell that one my aunt was pregnant because she's socorpulent as it is.
My mum and I are completely incompatible, we're like day & night at the same place & time.
The cold permeates through my jacket like a hot knife through butter.
Incompatibility is impossible on eHarmony.com.
I'm in the retard class, and we only know the rudimentary skills ofgrammar.
Before the man was hung, he was thinking on how tenacious the ropeholding him was.
Just by looking at it, you could tell the greased up pig was very elusive.

Justice

When I was 5 or 6 years old my mother made us memorize If I Had A Hammer by Peter, Paul, and Mary. No, this was not as punishment. It was to be sung by us as we marched in the annual 4th of July Parade in my Grandma's neighborhood. We had sandwich board signs with lines of the chorus written on them. To this day I can sing the whole thing and I am not proud of that but it always brings me joy as the nostalgia comes rushing in.

Today Mia asked me what "justice" means. So I explained it and she was like, "how do you use it in a sentence because we sang a song about it today?" I asked what song and could she sing it and she said, "I don't remember but it's about a hammer. I hammer justice." And OH. MY. GOD. My daughter knows If I Had A Hammer.

We proceeded to belt that MFer out and as I just mentioned. I still know all of it. It was a moment very few can appreciate (hello Megan & Steve) but is the stuff of parental legend! As my cousin Shane would say, that is some justice!

P.S. I am developing quite the lyrical crush on her music teacher. She has come home singing Yellow Submarine and the theme to Happy Days. When I was a kid, I learned Hot Cross Buns on the recorder.

Psychic Daughter: Part 3

Mia keeps displaying her amazing talents of clairvoyance. Please enjoy this conversation after a recent jewelry class she is taking at school:

Mia: I don't know why the teacher didn't get mad that I didn't do a pattern
Me: Well, you don't have to do a pattern, it's ok to do whatever you want; it's your necklace.
Mia:But she said to do the beads in a pattern but when she looked at mine, she didn't say anything.
Me:How about next week you make a pattern?
Mia: No, Layla doesn't like patterns
Me: How do you know that?
Mia: I can read her mind.

Foto Friday

A couple of weeks ago, my sister was in town. She's started a tradition of taking a photo of herself w/ my girls on each visit. They LOVE it!

More love for fall

Another thing to add to my list of fall loves - the sunsets. During Mia's soccer practices, Layla and I take walks around the soccer field. Last night I had to take her picture while the sun was setting. The lighting was just too perfect to resist!

The overalls she is wearing were a battle. They're pants. Layla didn't want to wear pants, she wanted to be a princess. So when the snaps came undone and I tried to fix them, she started yelling "No, don't fix them - I'm a princess!" Even at bedtime, I undid all the crotch snaps to change her diaper (come ON potty training!) and she insisted that not only do I leave them undone to give the illusion of them being a dress and thereby being worthy of a princess but that she wear the outfit to bed so she could sleep as a princess. I felt mildly justified this morning to see that she had shed them at some point during the night. Rogue snaps aren't so comfortable for princesses.

Real Housewives

So something made me turn the channel to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta. My only defense is that I live in Atlanta (well, just north of) and I love seeing places I know well on TV. This was a bad idea but now I've become the victim of the insipid "plot" and ensuing drama. This show bugging the every living crap out of me and I can't stop watching. This is what happens when my husband works late. This is what he is driving me to do! The shame!

A few notes, if you will indulge me:

Mrs. Snow - yes, I pay so little attention I have no idea what your first name is. Also, you and your NBA star hubby have the most annoying habit of calling each other Mr. & Mrs. Snow. GAG
First, she claims to have worked personally with a designer (all the way from California - oooh). Cue instant classic sound bite from designer "She worked with me for about 3 hours so they really don't know what they're about to enter". That sounds a bit ominous, doesn't it? Mrs. Snow's first task - hiring help. I knew it would be bad when the tour included the subtitle "Chef's Kitchen". Her list of staff included Governess and Nanny. AND. Nanny. Seriously. I understand your husband travels a lot and you are mostly a single parent. I sympathize. You do not need two staff members dedicated to taking care of your three kids when you already have a personal chef and maids among other redundant employees. Later in the show they show her interviewing a personal something who is making arrangements for her family to visit. She says her duties include welcoming the guests and offering to unpack for them. For the homeowner's own family! I think I threw up a bit in my mouth at that point. God Bless Mr. Snow for rolling his eyes at the extent this woman was going to to be "accomodating" to houseguests and if looks could kill, she would have shot him down in a nanosecond.

NeNe - "she's real fun" I'm sorry, I can't say much about her because her cleavage is way too distracting to pay attention to anything she does. But I can say this - a nine year old should NOT. Shoul NOT be given $1,000 to "invest" for his birthday. He should not even know the meaning of the word. He's obviously already a brat considering how he berated his mom for not lookin at him. NeNe is the drama, that much is clear.

Kim - "a black girl trapped in a white girl's body". Kim begins the show by writing a check for a $68,000 Escalade. This is courtesy of her sugar daddy boyfriend "Big Papa" who is too famous to be mentioned or seen apparently. Kim had to have a dress altered on the day of a huge party and so met her designer at a Shell station to pick it up. Because she did not want any gas station bathroom germs, she changed right there in the parking lot as NeNe and said designer shielded her with a garment bag and coat. Class-y!

Lisa - Half black, half Chinese, married to a Falcon's player. They have a state of the art home gym and a bowling alley in their basement so I got nothin' but love for them. Carry on. She and her hubby are pretty much adorable and so far (SO FAR) she does not annoy me. She picked her outfit out of her closet rather than hiring a personal designer to style her look for the big party. I like Lisa.

Shereé - Snob and a half. Drama may follow NeNe but it is initiated by Shereé. She has a Creative Director on her staff. Directing the creatity of her life perhaps? He needs to work harder. When told when NeNe was not on her guest list she waxes shocked for about 10 seconds before turning to a woman next to her and exclaiming "Oh, your lashes look good!" Then she sent her PR girl to apologize for her. Double Gag! And let me not forget to mentino her obvious name dropping when she points out that her personal assistant is Evander Hollyfield's daughter. Triple Gag.

Episode 2 is starting right now, I'm not sure I have the stomach for it. Stay tuned to see how I faired.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

Mia: Mommy you know the book about the boy and the sheep with the wolf?
Me: Yes
Mia: He said there was a wolf and they didn't believe him but there was a wolf!
Me: They didn't believe him because he kept lying right?
Mia: Right.
Me: So you see how when you tell me everyday that you're sick but not really sick I don't want to believe you when you are really really sick?
Mia: Yes.
Me: So you're not going to tell me if you're sick anymore unless you really are very sick, right?
Mia: Right. Mommy?
Me: Yes?
Mia: My tummy hurts.