Easily Amused

Want an easy gift idea for a 2-year-old? Pop-up books or books with lift flaps. Layla can get so into a pop up book that she will get mad if you try to read it to her. That would mean you have to take it out of her hands to see the words and you can't read as fast as she can flip pages so just get out of her way!

Her colors will be Blush and Bashful

Could this birthday get any more precious I ask you? It's like Disney just exploded in our house. God bless my sister who, after going cross eyed looking at all the princess parafanalia, went with something completely different. She gave her niece a life size hamster wheel. Oh yeah, check tomorrow for some video. We're breaking this baby out today!

Mom made this cake. She is amazing! Please feel free to comment if you agree with me and everyone else that she needs to start selling these things!

A glimpse at my future of getting my daughter off the phone. This is, of course, a Disney Princess phone. It came complete with a purse, sunglasses, and CREDIT CARDS!! So mom gave her a little lecture about being careful with credit cards because you can get into trouble using them too much. And be careful not to lose them because then other people can use them and steal all your money. This morning she let Layla borrow her purse while she is in school. She told Layla to be very careful with the credit cards. They're very important.

Schmillsbury

Said cupcakes with gross "strawberry" icing from a brand that shall remain nameless. But they look lovely don't they? Not bad for a 10pm project. And while we're on the subject of cakes, check these bad boys out. Guess what I'm bringing to next year's Easter dinner?

Happy Birthday Mia!

My baby girl is 5 years old today.

In the past five years, I've learned many things. Things parents don't tell you because if they do, you will never think about having children again. But also things that make being a parent the most wonderful experience in the world.

1. It is possible for babies to pee, poop, and spit up all at the same time and it ain't pretty.

2. The labor of the baby is a pretty good indication of the personality of the child. Case in point Mia was 19 exhausting hours and an hour and a half of pushing. Layla was 4 hours and about 15 min of pushing.

3. A toddler screaming at the top of her lungs will make you want to punch her in the face. You must resist. I repeat, you must resist. Punch your husband instead because he can take it. Or go for a walk. A really, really long walk.

4. A toddler will argue anything including her own name and our favorite "gee, you're really argumentative aren't you?" "NO I'M NOT!!"

5. Kids are wicked smart when you least expect it. For example, Chuck thought it would be funny to copy everything Mia said. After tiring of this, she paused for a moment then said, "I'm retarded." I think that was Chuck's proudest moment as a dad.

6. Don't ever say "I'll never buy my child (blank)" because inevitably, you'll have a house full of it by the time she's 3.

7. Don't ever buy strawberry icing. Take the time to make it yourself. Store bought strawberry icing tastes like flavored plastic. I am no Martha Stewart but I can make some damn good icing. Last night I cheated and paid for it w/ nasty pink icing.

8. When you feel like you're doing your child a service by teaching her the correct terms for parts of the anatomy, include in that lesson the correct instances in which to use them. Otherwise you end up hearing that she was using those words as ammo in a name calling fight.

9. You must find absolute fascination in the simplest accomplishments. "Mommy, apple starts with 'a'. 'A' rhymes with 'hey' rhymes with 'bay' ryhmes with 'pay' rhymes with 'lay' rhymes with....."

10. I've mentioned it once on this blog already but seeing that heartbeat on the monitor will take your breath away. I was so addicted to it that when I had ultrasounds done for my kidney, I made the tech go over to the baby just to see her again.

Parenting is the only thing that can simultaneously be the most wonderful and awful experience. It's the hardest thing I've ever done yet the most rewarding. There are times when I want to scream my head off and throw the bigger tantrum. There are times when I just want to hold them forever. I want to shield them from the world and then I can't wait for them to get out of the house. I've survived 5 years. I can survive anything. Except maybe the teenage years.....

I'm not sure this is the way to impress your boss

As Chuck perused this fine web site the other day I believe his ego was a bit bruised. He scrolled up and down and said "Hey, this is where my tennis match should be" as he indicated a post on the date he did indeed play tennis. I was there, camera in hand. I took pictures. Therefore it is logical that it should be blogged. Alas, it is not. I suppose I am a failure as a wife. Or just saving the world from seeing his idea of sporty fashion. For although he had some great moments like serving aces to his boss, he was dressed in this:Ladies and gentleman, is it me, or does this outfit scream color blind? His boss, by the way, is a gay man. So you would think that he would have put a little more thought into the ensemble. I tried to help but apparently, shorts with pockets are a must and these are the only athletic ones he has. Also, regular t-shirts are not appropriate tennis apparel. Someone explain that one to me. So mental note to myself to buy my man some shorts - with pockets - and shirts to match. He did win both sets or games or matches or whatever you call tennis. I was proud. Even if he did look like a bum.

Good Baby

Mom got Baby Be of Use books for us for Easter. They give the appearance of infant board books so at first I was like, thanks for giving me something for me mom. But it turns out, these books are satirical gold! This is my favorite page:

Buy a set for your favorite sarcastic mother today!

On the Catwalk yeah

They're working it for the candy baby. Oh yeah they are.