Morons of the week

It's time again for the stupid Chamblee crimal report! This one has a lot of stupid victims. Here are my favorites:

It's always nice to share - Police found a man bleeding from the face and nose and called paramedics to help him. The 40 year old victim told police that he had two beers and went to hide in the bushes to drink them. Two men saw him and asked him to share. He said no and they beat him up.

DUH - A man reported that he left his 2000 white GMC van running while he went into Lowes. When he came back, it was gone. He said that he left it running because it had a bad starter.

This is actually a smart victim. When in doubt, start yelling - A 38 year old man reported that he and his wife were standing behind their apartment building when three masked men jumped out of a vehicle and robbed them. One of the men had a pistol and another demanded the man’s wallet. The man told them that he had no wallet and began screaming “ROBBERY”. The robbers returned to their car and fled.

You can't count on your friends - Officer W. found a man urinating in public and arrested him. After being booked into the city jail, the man’s friend came to bail him out. The friend asked for the man but called him by a different name that the offender had told the officer. The friend, realizing his mistake, then asked for the man by the name given to the officer. Officer W., suspecting that the offender had lied about his real name, went into the jail and called the man by the other name. The offender quickly replied “YES, THAT’S ME.” Needless to say, the offender was also charged with giving a false name to a police officer.

Morons of the week

Each week our friendly Officer Bill sends out an e-mail to Chamblee citizens about the recent crimes in the area so they know what to look out for. He highlights the dumbest criminals they have had the pleasure of having encounters with. I have decided to share my favorites with my few select readers in the hopes that it brightens your day as it does mine. Relish in being in the deeper end of the gene pool people. These are 100% true stories.

*Police responded to a roommate fight between two 26 year old women in a local apartment complex. One roommate left the scene before the police arrived. The remaining roommate reported that they had an argument that quickly turned into a fight. After exchanging words, she told her roommate to pack up and leave. The roommate obviously didn't like that and hit her in the head with a frying pan. Before leaving the apartment, the roommate also broke her new cellular phone into two pieces. Just prior to leaving, the roommate told her "I'm crazy &%#$@, I'm from New Jersey!"

*A 29 year old woman reported that some man keeps calling her leaving romantic and poetic messages on her voicemail. This man must have an angry wife as the victim is also receiving abusive voicemails from an unknown female caller.

*A 44 year old woman was arrested for prostitution after being dumb enough to offer her services to a man in a new Ford Crown Victoria 4 door. Everyone should know that most of these cars belong to the police. This car happened to belong to Detective Captain Dave Perkins who was conducting an investigation in the area. The Detective politely declined her offer and arrested her.

*Officers received a 911 call from a car load of people who wanted to report that they were being followed. They said that they were in a parking lot on Buford Highway and the car following them was there also. Officers quickly responded and detained the occupants of both cars. It turned out to be true that the second car was following the first car. The occupants of the second car said that they followed the car because it was their neighbor's car that was recently stolen. Officers checked the first car's numbers and confirmed that it was indeed a stolen car. The driver of the first car was arrested. Lesson to be learned: If you are driving a stolen car, do not encourage your passengers to call 911 for any reason. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that the driver tried to use a false name with the police but forgot and signed his real name on his jail paperwork.